Can you have a quarter-of-a-century life crisis?

I am now twenty-five and I’d like to say that everything is just the same as last year, or that I really don’t feel older, but I do.

This has been a very different year for me compared to the past few. With the start of teaching in the classroom, the career that will take the majority of my time for the next thirty years or so, comes a calm tranquility. For the first time life is not in tumult. Jobs are not changing, I am not going to school anymore, no more random people in random places, my life has become routine. Overall I suppose the biggest changes that starting a career has brought is routine and cash, which are both good and bad.

Routine's nice because for the first time in about five years I can plan my life without having to wait to find out what a work or school schedule is going to be. I know what time I will wake up, what time I should go to bed (but still I don't), and how much time it takes me to do things everyday. I am also not spreading myself over several different things anymore. I can put most of my energy into my classroom and into my students, instead of heading in several different directions at once. All of this is nice of course but I can’t help but feeling a little too settled.

Brooke and I had talked a lot about our plans for the future during the first six weeks of teaching and we discovered that we didn’t really have the desire to travel, or make an international type of pilgrimage that we once did. We are making a difference here in the lives of kids so maybe that’s what life really has in store for us. Alone that is not a bad thing but couple that together with the teacher salaries (which though meager, are about 2.5 times bigger than our salaries last year) and let it sit for a few years you have all the makings of a middle class malaise.

I have already learned that I have a terrible predisposition towards hunting on the internet to find new toys to spend my hard earned teacher cash on. I have contemplated a new computer, a digital slr, a disc golf set (yes, I’m a nerd), a new speaker set, a car radio, and a vacuum cleaner. In fact, all of my time on the Internet recently has been focused on consumption, whether its been of goods, ideas, or pirated movies, it doesn’t matter. The fact is: I haven’t created a damned thing myself. And that’s what I worry about.
Will settling into a career make me lose my soul? Does the fact that the career is teaching make any difference? What happened to those dreams of traveling and changing the world I once had?

So, This is the summary of the past year of my life:
School, school, school, teach for free, and work.

During this time, especially the last couple months I've had some pretty cool breakthroughs in faith. I would like to say that these breakthroughs are the result of my vigilant pursuit of God, however the reality is quite different. The busyness of my life has kept me pretty well distracted from God over the last few months. But now, with hiring season approaching for the teaching profession, I've gotten pretty buddy-buddy with him. The mere possibility that I won't have a job next year is terrifying (so is the possibility of having one, though). I've done my best to portray a professional attitude to all prospective employers and that is exhausting to do on a constant basis, but its a little easier if God helps out. His help is precisely the reason I'm writing this blog.

About to embark on my first interview at Rancho Buena Vista High School, the school I did my student teaching at, I was more than terrified. I was freaking out. I had spent the night before pouring over possible interview questions and pillaging my closet for a decent outfit to wear. Feeling unsatisfied in both departments called friends and family asking for advice and prayers as I went into my interview, which at the time seemed like my only chance to get a job. "the only way you'll get in to a good school is by getting hired at the school you student taught at, but no pressure" I was told by one administrator. Yeah sure, no pressure, I'm perfectly calm now thanks.

So as I called around several people consoled me and offered their suggestions. About my lack of attire, my mom suggested I hit up the thrift store before the interview. I laughed. The thrift stores in Oceanside are just about as ghetto as they come I doubted I'd find something worth while there. But, my mom was right (God has a point with that 'honor thy father and mother ' stuff). In the hour that I squeezed in to look for suits I found one at the first store I went to. The only full suit they had. It was a sweet looking, grey pinstripe suit which, as later took it into the fitting room and discovered, was perfectly my size. It is near impossible to find suit to fit my lanky arms and small waist, but there it was almost shimmering in the fluorescent glow, perfectly pressed and smelling stale cardboard (like everything at a thrift sore does). This, however, is not the best part of the story. As I swaggered up to the register, with my new digs in hand, I handed it to the woman behind the counter and she said, "$12.89 is your total." That's right, less than thriteen dollars. I was stoked. Now God is on my side, for sure I'll get the job.

Later on that evening I walked out the interview panel supremely confident of my rocking interview skills, and God-ordained success. It wasn't a week later that I found out a colleague got the job instead. But I wasn't as upset as I thought I'd be. I had already moved on and applied at other districts. I knew that God, if he could provide me with a sweet grey pinstripe suit, he could take care of the bigger stuff as well. In fact my faith was even more increased in the failure of not getting a job. I was forced to again acknowledge that God has a design and that my goals and his are often not aligned. I spent several more days at the beach trying to discern his plan and what I should do next.

That's where I was until this last week when God worked his pinstripe magic again. Stay tuned for that update.