SO its been a month. Im a slacker what can I say. There are however reasons for slackerness. Three weeks ago m hard drive crashed and it took two weeks to get it back up to speed. Every moment I had access to a computer I spent emailing my girlfriend who is en Espana. Thats all there is to that. Alot has happened since I entered last I coul never begin to write it all so I will just start over from today.

I miss Broke incredibly. seh has been gone three weeks now and it just killin me. I so anxiously awit her ariival. Sometimes that's all I think about. How good it will feel to hold her again, to kiss her again, even to hear her again, I have only talked to her twice since she's been gone. We have both been through a lot on our seperate sides of the World and will have alot to catch up on. I look forward to that. On the other hand, sometimes I think I look forwardto Brooke's return way too much. Both of us were pretty lonely before she left to go to Spain, there were few people that we connected with besides each other (thank you Jason and Brooke for being those loving people to us). I wonder what will happen when she returns. Will it go back to us being in our own little world? When she returns we will merely be alone, together? I know I have been very timid since I have moved down here, very self-conscious. I feel I have relied too much on people I am comfortable with and not really stepped out of my comfort zone. This lame quality about myself has casued me to miss several opputunities to build friendships. I tell you what, I hate that quality about myslef. I hate that I cannot make conversation with people and relate eith them. Ah shit I don't know.
Put plainly I feel alone and cowardly. I deeply desire to die for my beliefs and "make the world more like heaven here on Earth" but I am so weak. I fear that I am not really making a difference. at all. Ok enough of the negativity I have to go to work. God simply use this wretched man. Let me see where you can make use of me and let devote myself fully to that. Amen.