I have spent little time on my knees lately and lots of time everywhere else. Books have been the fascination of me and my girlfriend lately. Culturally significant ones like Catcher in the Rye, and ones that cry out to the deep desires in our hearts like Sacred Romance. In both books we have been finding immense tidbits of wisdom it’s ridiculous. This is no doubt a time in my life for searching. This is a time in life to decide who I am going to be and what I am going to do with the rest of my moments henceforth (every time is this time) What bothers me is not that I turn to J.D Salingr and Eldredge for my guidance, it’s that I do not turn to the one who made them wise (I don’t know about Salinger’s walk with God but you have to respect his views on the church in Catcher, another topic for debate altogether) Why is this? Why do I (and I am assuming you too) wait until the last resort to turn to God. It’s been done A thousand times over, from the Abraham to someone. Last week was a very depressing week for me I spent an entire day entirely alone and depressed. Its rather overwhelming thinking of all that you could be but are not. Even in that state God was still the last place I would turn to. Franlky turning to God doesn’t really give results. I wanna feel better quick nad God sometime isn’t for that. What even does it mean to listen to God anyway? How long do you wait on your knees on the floor before you get up and move around? Why do I always fall asleep? I wish I knew these things. I don’t know if I could answer them for anyone else or that anyone else could answer them for me. But the simple point of it all is that we all must figure it out. Unfortunatley turning to God is about as easy as turning an oil tanker aroung in the panama canal (especially when we are stubborn). “oh Matt why don’t you just turn to God for wisdom.” If anyone has the step-by-step manual for that I’d like a copy.
What is conclusion? Is there one? The only way that I have found to love God is just by being myself and loving. That alone takes a lot of effort.