The National Pandemic We Should Care About

In the last week the principal at my high school has been more proactive on the campus than any time in the history of her employment there: making announcements posting bulletins, sending ridiculously long emails, and supplying every classroom with soap water, and paper towels (so that desks may be washed daily). All to address the swine sickness, the improbable infirmity that has inundated news coverage and has even recently caused residents in Spain to barricade themselves inside their homes. And though the news would have us believe swine flu  or ______________ (substitute other illnesses with animals modifiers, i.e.- avian flu, or a mad cow disease) is the next black plague, I am reluctant to hop on the hurtling bandwagon of hypochondriacal hysteria. So, before I scour the depths of of the a surplus shop for hazmat suits and black market retrovirals, I’d like to address another issue of a deeper and more pressing concern - slaktasyck-idleritis, or more commonly referred to as apathy.

This a common disease which spreads more expediently and thoroughly than an even the hysteria surrounding the would-be-epidemic of swine flu, it also seems to be a plague that is resistant to the remedies that have been devised to restrict its spread. Someone you know may have been affected by this disease if they suffer from slouched shoulders or a slow shuffling walk. This malcontented malaise often leads to instances of prolonged sluggishness, evidenced by heavy eyelids or, alternatively, blank stares. Perhaps its most deleterious effect, however, occurs in its later stages (often too late to cure) when the general lethargy gives way to out and out slovenliness. Patients often shirk responsibilities regardless of result, are troubled with a shorter attention span, and fail to wake up until late in the afternoon (those suffering from acute cases are even know to suffer from bouts of narcolepsy, falling asleep even during the most important or interesting occasions). This illness is spreading through high school campuses and suburban neighborhoods everywhere.

Case study to follow